I moved houses recently. In fact, this is the second house I am living in in this city. Oh, I moved cities a few months ago. I am in Mumbai now. The weird thing is that I never realise I am in Mumbai. It strikes me as a wayward thought now and then, surprising me every time.
The first time it struck me that I am moving cities is when I was in the aeroplane between Hyderabad and Mumbai. The skies were a sunny yellow when I took off from Hyderabad. They began to turn into dull grey as the plane approached Bombay. In that instant, it struck me for the first time. The second time it struck me was whe-- I actually don't remember, but that does not matter. Trust me, I barely ever remember that I am in Mumbai. Don't take this as a romanticisation of Mumbai. The city is fun and everything, but this post is not about that. This post is about how I did not give myself time to let things sink in.
It is not easy to let things sink in nowadays thanks to technology and easy travel options. Every place is either a tap away or a few hours away. I remember that as a child all I could get with a tap was the lift, and all I could travel in a few hours was to my father's factory on the outskirts of Hyderabad. Now I can reach my friend in the USA with a tap or travel to Chennai and to Indore in those few hours' time. It feels like I am as omnipresent as humanly possible. Great as that may sound for some of you I can guarantee that it gets horrible quickly. Coming back to point- I did not let things sink in. And that has been a problem, I realise, that is persisting for a few years now.
It probably began four and half years ago when I took a deep breath and exhaled instead of letting It hit me with full force. I think it was in that moment I learnt how to suck it up. No matter what came my way -death, break ups, bad marks, strained relationships, failure, insult and even bad toilets- I took a deep breath and exhaled. It was a great fix for me to keep hustling. Interestingly, I did it in this very moment to brush away some bad memories (more than bad toilets). I did not let them sink in- a persisting problem.
It was two and a half years ago when things turned for the worse. I had to (still have to, at times) push myself to live a normal life. By normal life I mean to be able to think and do things without putting in unusual amounts of effort. To help you imagine, let me tie this to a picture-perfect Mumbai problem. Blame the roads or clogged drains, Mumbai does not let the rain sink in. So the city floods (neck deep at times) and life as you know it ceases. What comes in place of normal life is the Spirit of Mumbai: heightened levels of rage, determination and desperation to conquer adversity and keep hustling. I hope you can see the parallels between Mumbai and what I have been telling you. I did not let things sink in so they became too much for me to handle. Today I can feel myself exerting an unusual amount of effort to do basic things.
What is unfortunate is that I still don't let things sink in. To give myself credit I don't think I know how to and I don't know if I can afford to. I am definitive that letting things sink in is the healthier option, but I am unsure if I can afford to lose the amount of time I will in the process. If I tie it back to the Spirit of Mumbai example it sounds ridiculous. How can the Municipal Corporation argue that it does not know how to fix the problem or that it cannot afford to? The Municipal Corporation needs help in both cases if it cannot solve the problem on its own. It can ask the State Government, private organisations or NGOs. It can also ask its constituent people to be responsible and to not clog the drains with trash; to dispose trash in ways that won't clog the city's drains. To humanise these examples, I am obviously thinking about talking to experts, family, friends and (even) strangers. At the same time I am thinking about making changes to my own wiring and I am thinking about figuring out healthy ways to handle adversity.
I moved houses recently and I don't feel like I am at home. This house and my room are too big for my taste. I think I should let that sink in. That along with a hundred other things.
